Have Faith
"And shall not God avenge his own elect, which cry day and night unto him, though he bear long with them? I tell you that he will avenge them speedily. Nevertheless when the Son of man cometh, shall he find faith on the earth?" Luke 18:7-8
For years this scripture bothered me. I wondered if I had this kind of faith. I was taught the scriptures from the time I was 5 years old and thought I knew the Lord, but this still troubled me. So I prayed for faith; "to be accounted worthy to escape all these things that shall come to pass and to stand before the Son of man." Luke 21:36
I prayed for this for years and years. It still troubled me, and I always wanted to know the truth. So I asked God in 2012 again very sincerely, for I had been through many arduous trials and felt a need to be closer to Him and didn't know what to do to get close. As you might say, I had trials by fire, but I still felt lost and distant from God. My life had lost its true meaning.
Finally, while talking to a sister in Christ that I knew from my past, she helped me see the problem. I was lukewarm and loved the Lord but was ignorant (lacking wisdom) in so many ways. I became afraid that I was letting Him down. I had always wondered about the Lukewarm state of mind but didn't think I fit into that category. But God answered my prayer, opened my eyes, and showed me the truth.
Beware what you pray for; you might get it, as the saying goes. I say this jokingly because that's what happened to me, for which I am now most earnestly happy and thankful!
However, there was a period when I felt like the bottom fell out from under me when I told God I wanted to have that faith that He expects at His return.
He is faithful and true to His word to answer our prayers. The answer may be No or Not now, but He will answer. He certainly answered mine, but in a way totally unexpected. I was naive enough to think He could bestow this gift upon me almost instantaneously like you might hand someone a physical gift! NOT SO!!!
He answered my prayer, but it took me through six of the most painful years of my life. So let me say He imparted His faith to me but by a very hard, unexpected series of events. Trials by fire that I had previously thought I would never be able to endure. No way!!
He made it clear that he wanted me to get off a medication I had been on for 12 years for a generalized anxiety disorder. So I started tapering myself off the medication just as I had tapered on it. The doctor said I could if I ever wanted to stop taking it. However, I was not under the doctor's orders when I made this decision because I knew he wouldn't accept it.
So I did research online and was told that it could take a year to a year and a half to get it out of my system. In the meantime, I could expect a variety of really bad withdrawal symptoms. That was a gross understatement, to say the least.
But I believed God wanted me to stop taking it, so I did. A year and a half passed, and by this time, I could no longer keep working the job I loved. One important thing I think worth mentioning is that God had my attention!! I knew what He wanted me to do. Stay off the meds. Don't ask how I knew; I just did.
But my doctor didn't understand this and begged me to get back on the medication. I told her simply that "I Can't." I wanted the suffering to stop more than I could convey, but I told her I couldn't go against God. She is a Christian and asked if she could pray for me. I said, "sure, I need all the help I can get."
As time passed and I got worse, she and all my family turned against me, thinking I was crazy. They asked how I knew it was what God wanted; all I could answer was that I knew! I thought, "Didn't they know I would have done anything within God's Will to stop the pain and suffering I was in?" They Could Not Understand!!
Skipping ahead, almost five years into this, I became totally dysfunctional mentally and, at the same time, had a cyst in my spine pressing against the sciatic nerve in my left leg. I was totally disabled. It would take a whole post to describe the pain and suffering mentally and physically that I went through. I thought my life was over, and if it wasn't for God seeing me through, it would have been. He didn't take away my suffering, but He didn't leave me comfortless either, as He promised in His word.
It finally came to a point where I told God that I couldn't keep going without His healing or help. So I asked God to be with me and not leave me as I placed myself in a lockup mental and behavioral unit. I was terrified, to say the least. I had developed an irrational fear of being alone. Going there was traumatic for me as everyone is treated the same, even if the court or police put you there. No difference. I wasn't expecting that. They even made me ride in the back seat of a police car about a block from the hospital I went to. That is a whole other story in itself.
Just know that God never left me, and this began a whole new journey and walk with Him that got me out of the Lukewarm category and placed me where I had always prayed and wanted to be but could never attain.
I don't want to repeat those years, but I wouldn't trade them for anything!!
I love the Lord God, and my Savior Jesus Christ like never before and work daily to keep that relationship alive and well till I die. He is my Rock! My best friend! Sometimes seems like my only friend, and I now know He will never leave me! Like Job said in ( Job 42:1-6) Job 42:5 I have heard of Thee by the hearing of the ear: but now mine eye seeth Thee.
I praise Him and trust Him for everything now. I understand suffering is inevitable if we want to know Him. After all, who suffered more than Him to know and save us all? Praise, Glory, and Honor to Him Forever and Ever!!!! Amen!
Pam Fisk
