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  • Writer's picturePam Fisk

What NOT to Say to a Mom Who Lost Her Child to Suicide!

What NOT to say to a mom who lost her child to suicide! "It was such a selfish thing to do!" Or, "Well, he got what he wanted!"




Not to mention the well-meaning Christian who offers sympathy for the beloved child's fate. Sometimes this may not be verbalized, but you know their meaning or implication. Not cruel or vindictive, just ignorant of the truth!


Suicide is a very touchy subject to discuss. Why? Because there are so many stigmas about the issue. And most or all of them are harmful to a mom who has lost a child to suicide. There are so many that in this article, I'm going to try to restrict my focus to one major concept, which is always a lose-lose situation when talking to a loved one or anyone.


For most Christians, the first thought that usually comes to mind is, were they saved? And they look at you with sympathy, implying they think they are lost and condemned to Eternal death.


In my life, I have heard just about every negative thing about suicide. Some things were said directly to me, and some overheard conversations from others. But this one question is raw and very important when the salvation of your child or loved one is put on the line.


It takes on a whole new meaning when it hits close to home. I assure you!! It is easy for humans to pass judgment, especially when it's not on ourselves.


Since 2003, almost 20 years ago, a lot has changed. But not nearly enough! For example, in the past 100 years, old-school Biblical teaching was that suicide was an unpardonable sin, condemning a person to eternal death.


I want to address this one topic specifically in this article. There are many others, but I think this one is the worst and most important. At least to me. Where this belief originated, I'm not quite sure, but it definitely is not based on scriptural facts! Not from God's word, the Holy Bible!


I'm happy to say that I have recently researched different denominations to see what is being taught today. I was pleasantly surprised that many have recanted this idea/teaching; however, far from all.


I want every mom out there to know that her child is okay! As far as suicide is concerned. I lost my son, Micah, aged 22, in 2003, and my oldest daughter, Misty, in 2018, aged 42. I am not at all concerned about whether or not God will forgive them. He has shown me the truth in many ways over the past 20 years that He will!


If we take a look at what causes suicide, it will give us a better understanding of the subject. First, no human in their right mind wants to die. We all want to be happy and have extraordinary lives. It goes against our will to live. Something is wrong somewhere. Only a very ill mind would want to die. Many illnesses, inherited and developed from circumstances like tragedy, etc., bring it on.


The God I serve with my whole heart, mind, and soul is a loving God and will not condemn an ill person to eternal death. Since I lost my son 20 years ago, I have come to know God and our Savior, Jesus Christ, in a way I wouldn't have otherwise.


I was taught from age five to know the Lord, but I can honestly say that I just thought I knew him until I went through some very painful events. I have suffered greatly through it all, but now I really know my Savior! For which my joy is full! Something I didn't understand before.


That may seem strange to many, but it is true. Through these tragedies and many others, God has never left me comfortless as he promised us. I have never been angry with God, which is a miracle.


I never felt anger towards my children who took their lives. I say this because it is natural to have those feelings I have been told. I've been asked many times, aren't you angry? They were so cruel and selfish! Ironically, what makes me mad is blaming my children for being ill and God for allowing it.


These are some things not to say or ask a mom who has lost her baby to suicide. But, even if that baby is 20 or 40, they are still our baby. I have no doubt about seeing them again in God's kingdom when they have been healed and out of the horrible pain and darkness that led to their deaths. God is good! All the time!


If you are a Christian, you may want to study this for yourself and your peace of mind. We all have our opinions, but God is the only one that matters to me. So pray and ask God to show you, but don't depend on anyone else concerning His Spirit and His Word. You don't need anyone or anything but God's Spirit to teach you all things.


Christ died for our sins, allowing us to access Him directly.


In future articles, we may discuss the other aspects of losing a child and its causes. Ignorance is a lack of knowledge. God commands us to seek wisdom and understanding as much as he does faith. Without understanding, there is no faith!


Nothing matters without good mental health. Without it, all you have is a sick body waiting to die.


My heart goes out to all suicide survivors as we become aware of mental illness and the magnitude of deaths by suicide each day!


Be blessed! Pam



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About Me

Image of Dr. Trace Pirtle sitting on park bench identified as Jesus.

Greetings, I'm Trace!
I'm a retired counselor education professor who spent 35 years in the "helping professions." I'm a veteran and an "all-in" believer working full-time for our Lord Jesus Christ. I've included my personal testimony if you are interested. 
May God bless you beyond your wildest dreams!

In His Service,

Trace Pirtle

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